funny stuff

tv has to stop ending every show with a vignette accompanied by heart wrenching emo-pop melodies. better some motorhead and a guy driving with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a dildo in the other - creates some real mystery, like 'what the fuck is gonna happen next week'

the pussy cat dolls and axe products are a con [look dude, axe commercials make essentially the same claim as beer commercials, i've been drunk four days straight now and guess what...not one hot chick][look dude, if you douse yourself in something that smells like chocolate, it ain't gonna be hot hard bodies who come running after ya, it's gonna be some spaghetti sauce lipped fatty][look dude, if you have to buy youself something called a male body detailer...ah, just don't do it]

kid goes to mcdonalds, orders a happy meal. kid opens box and pulls out apple slices and milk. kid throws happy meal in the face of his fat fucking parents.

ya'all must be getting hungry for some new recipes, so without further ado...

recipe of the day - i call these quick and easy meals my 'loving spoonful' recipes. all you need is a spoon and...
1 peanut butter [not for frail kids] dip the spoon in some kraft smooth and creamy peanut butter, scoop out as much as you can, eat.
2 mayonnaise - pretty much the same deal, this is just like eggs benedict really, only without the hassle, and we know how the chef hates a hassle.
3 margarine - if you got nothing else in you fridge, go for it. sprinkle with salt for added health benefits, or if the taste of a spoonful of margarine makes you gag.
4 cool whip - any food that proudly claims to be 'an edible oil product' has to have some merit. don't thaw before eating and it's kinda like ice cream.
as always, if you are not fully satisfied after any of these meals, supplement with the no-name cheese slice, the staple of any fine repast.

words of the day - 'this awful city, it screams like an abattoir full of retarded kids'*

*just think about that for a second, then laugh a great big santa claus type belly laugh.