the i-pod is the best invention ever. look, i could walk around my apartment hallways or the city streets or wherever for the next ten years and pretty much no one normal would strike up a conversation with me. just jesus pushers and spare change beggars. you're not missing anything by wearing your i-pod but it stops the annoyances from invading your day. oh, when groups of punk kids yell stuff at you when you're just out for a stroll, you'll no longer care. that's a little victory in my books.

it's another week until the superbowl, and to shorten the time i've called in sick today. well, that and the fact that i drank 12 beers while watching the raptors game last night, and i'm almost too hungover to move. i normally feel guilty doing this, but i haven't done it since last summer, so fuck 'em.

it's shit kicking mondays folks:

1 a pony. i would love to kick the shit out of a pony. Just grab it by then mane and follow it around the pasture whilst booting it in those big fat cheeks. hilarious.

2 a morbidly obese fat dude. i would love to perform this shit kicking while he is eating a big plate of bangers and mash. not that mean, i don't think he would feel it.

3 eminem. i know he's old news, but that just makes it funnier.

4 a cow. cows are just so fucking dumb. i could never be a vegetarian, because i just couldn't bring myself to care about the cow. i mean sure, being cruel to them is not cool [unless it involves a rather humorous shit kicking], but they gotta earn their keep eventually, and the best way to do that is between two pieces of bread.

which brings us to -

recipe of the day - this is one for you people [like me] who live in an apartment where it's allegedly illegal to have a barbeque on the balcony. first you'll need to make a trip to the store as these are items you shouldn't have in your kitchen. pick up at least a 6 pack of pabst blue ribbon at the nearest location, then stop at the variety store, buy a big bag of barbeque flavour potato chips. when you get home, eat the chips and drink the beer.***

words of the day - 'three paces carry me across thy grave, thou who wert once so great'

***chef recommends